I sat outside on the deck,
Out by the candle.
I looked up in the sky,
But my eyes were closed.
I thought, “How cool would it be
To hear from my Lord.

I sat out with the candle
And looked up in the sky.
All I could do was hear the rain
And listen for my Lord.

As my body relaxed and
Slowed down my mind,
As all the worries of the day
And the concerns of life
Started to fade away;
I sat out with the candle
And listened for my Lord.

As my body went quiet,
Then my brain,
I heard a slight voice.
“You are making the right move.”

I was concerned
over decisions in life
And God knew my soul.
He knew what was ailing me.
He knew my stress.

He picked up my pain
And said, “You are making the right move.”
I stopped to hear
But could not believe.
”Is that you, my Lord.”

And then I heard it.
I heard His voice
“Yes, it is, my son.”
But I still did not believe.

I decided to take a chance.
My words were formed.
“Do you still love me?”
I ask with expectations of despair.

And without a moment, He said,
“I’ve always loved you,
From the beginning of time,
Even before.
I’ve loved you before you were born.

As the words flowed
With no effort from His mouth,
My eyes began to tear.
I could not believe it.

As I kept my mind in slow,
I again relaxed my eyes.
Tears were there but
They were supposed to be.
I was talking to my Lord.

“God, I’m so sorry for….”
But before I could finish
He shut my mouth,
“Look straight ahead.
I’ve forgiven you your wrongs,
before they were even committed.“

As the pictures came by in my head,
I thought I’d see the wrongs --
The sinning and the dirty deeds,
All the scum and filth.

But what I saw was the pain that came
To other people I’ve known.
The pain I caused
And how I treated them.
That was the sin that God saw
He wanted me to know.

He was saying, “Keep moving,
You’re doing fine.
You’re learning and growing
And making changes to be better.
For you and those around you.
You’re learning how to be yourself
And love who you were created.”

The rain poured down,
The wind kept moving.
I was talking to my Lord.

“Am I on the right track, Lord?”
I asked with much hesitation.
Very slowly, with deliberate beat,
“You. Are. On. The. Right. Track,”
He said.

A moment passed.
And then another.
I let the words sink in.
“Can we visit for a while?” and
He replied, “We’ll be forever together.”

Kalani has already changed my life in such a dramatic way! The support and nonjudgmental environment that this ohana offers has allowed me to stretch beyond the confines of my comfort zone. In the last month I have been able to explore so many aspects of myself and I feel as though I am beginning a long love affair with me! That in of itself would be enough of a reason to extend my 2 month stay at Kalani, but I have not even tapped into the proverbial “iceberg” here.

The more I learn the more I realize I need to learn- Just to be ……………and let this wonderful place and the island do the rest. I have sampled a few of the infinite items on the Kalani menu (yoga, meditation, art, sports, healing circles, beaches and markets), but 2 months is not enough time to do this exquisite place justice……my soul needs more.

I have just started learning to give up the control that has governed my life for so long (it is just an illusion anyway). That the same issues that plague you in the real world will undoubtedly find you here too. But those same issues can be unwrapped, examined and let go of here. That can happen because of the intense energy of the island but also because of the support I have not found any where else on earth.

My insecurities, need for acceptance, control issues, power trips and people pleasing tendencies have all been acknowledged and asked to “take a hike”! I am finally willing and eager to accept me………………at 51 years old! How amazing is that?

Before I came here I never knew a place like Kalani existed, but now that I have found you, I don’t ever want to be without.

thank you pele
for embracing me with open arms
for teaching me what it is
to create myself anew
over and over and over again
putting that which no longer serves
into the fire of transformation;
birthing new land
from fire,
a place to stand.

thank you
for giving me the time i needed
to let the running around
run itself out
for slowing me down
to see
how out of stillness,
movement emerges organically.

for heart-to-hearts with lizards
the heady scent of night jasmine, asking:
does the harvest of your life sustain you?
and the seeds you plant each day--
will they grow to nourish you, in time?
answer this question:
what's really important?
over and over and over again.

they say it takes a village
to raise a child,
but many of us
didn't grow up that way.
thank you for filling in some pieces
of my puzzle
becoming sister,
brother,
crazy uncle.

living as family
with people you just met
brings the concept
of interdependence
close enough to touch
the favor you do for me
in the morning
returned by another
in the afternoon.

thank you
everyone
for being everywhere
all the time
especially the person
i didn't want to see
holding a mirror to my face,
insistently.

thank you
for teaching me
to love in the moment
and then let go.
for safe haven
to let myself be known;
for remembering that everyone
is soft underneath
before other stuff gets in the way.

thank you
to the goddess of the freebox,
whose abundance is legendary
providing costumes for us
to wear every day.
for men who let me do their hair
dress them up
and send them down the runway
in silver leggings
butterfly wings
and a bikini top.
(work it, girl!)
for all the fags
a hag could ever ask for.

thank you
for giving me
a positive
high school experience
the second time around.
for dancing on top of
washing machines
and dryers
first thing in the morning;
for late-night conversations
in the laundry shed;
for rambutans taped
to the top
of my saved dinner.

thank you
for the anonymous gifts
left in mailboxes.
for creative expression everywhere,
and all the hidden talents
that everyone seems to have.
for chandeliers and flat screen tvs
in a-frames--
who knew
that a shack
in the jungle
could have so much potential?

thank you for the generosity
of this land
for the abundance of spirit
that lives here
for so many rainbows,
double rainbows,
moonbows. for cats that smell like flowers
for lilikoi, lychees, coconuts,
guavas, starfruit, soursop
nourishment
grows on trees here,
grows all around.
for the blessing of being
in a place
where nature is alive
and speaking all the time
for grace
for living aloha
i am so grateful.

This is an excerpt from an article Lily wrote on elephantjournal.com. Click the link to read the whole thing!

“Heaven is a Place on Earth.”

It’s not just a Belinda Carlisle song to ironically play at your neighborhood hipster bar’s. It’s a reality found on the verdant Hilo side of the Big Island, Hawai’i. Part resort, part wellness center and fully an intentional community, Kalani Honua is truly paradise. The name itself means “Heaven on Earth” and with good reason. And it’s within your reach to live on the Black Sand beaches of Hawai’i among coconuts, avocados and papayas on your terms. Come play for a week of you-time. Or stay as part of the community volunteering in the work exchange program anywhere from one month to the 35 years Richard Koob, owner and founder, has been living on the property.

Boasting 120 acres of diverse plant life Kalani offers three open-air studios ranging in size for yoga, ecstatic dance and meditation, an organic aquaponics system where kale, basil and tomatoes (among other things) grow year round and a pristine pool fully equipped with a dry sauna and hot tubs. Not to mention the constant rotation of classes in a variety of disciplines (yoga, hula, aerial dance, lauhala weaving, woodcarving, fire spinning and more). Of course there are also the nightly events, when one can gather around with the “Ohana” (Hawaiian for “family) for kirtan, themed parties or group processing.

I spent weeks in anticipation of my departure, imagining each morning walking to practice in an open-air studio of my choosing while the gentle fragrance of night blooming Jasmine gave way to Plumeria thick in the air. Eating an organic breakfast surrounded by an eclectic group of beautiful people from all over the world before heading off to care for the land as part of the work exchange program or enjoy a morning Vinyasa class on my days off. Perhaps on any given day I would feel like walking off property to “the point” to sea-gaze for turtles. After dinner and the sun set why not take a cruise in the darkness of a new moon to go see the surface flow of molten lava only a few miles away?

And when I got there that’s how it was. Of course all of this is quite heavenly, no doubt. But more than the amenities provided or the proximity to natural wonders Kalani offers something very rare in this world. An opportunity to live in introspection and grow into one’s own wonderment. This place I had intended to vacation became a home in an otherworldly reality.

...After six months of living in this paradise I have returned to the mainland. I believed in community-living before I went to Kalani but primarily as a theoretical possibility. I’m telling you this dream is real.